The difference between an anxiety attack and a panic attack is slight but significant. Panic attacks often happen to people who have been through trauma. That is not me. My life has not been perfect but it has been full of support, love and opportunities for the future. If I had to give it a name I would call my life 'Charmed'. Panic attacks also have to do with a tick in your fight or flight response. Your brain thinks it is in danger and shuts down to protect you.
An anxiety attack on the other hand is a feeling of being ... overwhelmed, I suppose. For me it was a sensation of being short of breath ... of choking. You know that feel of numbness that sometimes comes before unexpected tears? I felt that. I ran outside to cry and pant and I was so embarrassed.
I wasn't afraid of what was coming I was afraid that nothing was coming. I had been in education for 20 years and while I was there the way ahead was clear. Suddenly the world was out there and I didn't know where the road was going. I wrote a poem there and then in a competition box and completely forgot about it until I got an email telling me it would be published. Here it is, it helped me, it might help you: I Haven't Been Breathing Lately
Now I am feeling those feeling again. Why? Because I am moving to Japan and the road ahead, again is not clear. I applied for my visa and what should have been a nice day out to Edinburgh with my mum was exhausting. I'm not depressed, I have no medical problems so why do I feel this way. Why does the future scare me? Why does the thought that I might never get what I want out of life make me shut down?
Because I'm normal.
These are things that should scare people and some people's brains do shut down to protect them. The point is, it is not stopping me.
So what advice do I have for anyone feeling the same way?
- Talk
- Cry if you need to and if you can (crying is better than numbness)
- Watch feel good films or TV programmes (I recommend 'Call The Midwife' if you want to cry or Legally Blonde if you want to punch the air.)
- Watch a Superhero film (make that your favourite superhero film. Which one makes you feel like the world is safe and has more good than bad? Mines is Captain America.)
- Eat Chocolate (sparingly)
- Write
- Take hot shower (not a bath, showers provide relaxation and stimulation)
- Exercise
- Do something because you don't want to get to the point where you can't make yourself do anything
- And just don't forget. You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you.
